So honestly, Tinder and Bumble are not the fucking same. I mean ya, you have to swipe right if you think they’re hot but with bumble the girl has to talk to first. And since the girl has to talk first, ugly guys won’t be on there because they know girls aren’t going to talk to them. Bumble hands down has the hottest guys and like 90% of them have really boss ass jobs. So they’re on there because they know bitches are going to want them. Bitches are going to swipe right. And bitches are going to text them.
But meanwhile on Tinder, I have met a couple of hot douchebags. Not even going to lie to you. But that took a lot of swiping left before I could swipe right. And then when I did find one I liked, he had the same name as me so I had to fucking super like that shit. And now my friends call him The Legend. Wanna know why they call him The Legend? Because on that first date, he made me a five star meal. I mean this douchebag made the most delicious dinner, I have ever fucking had. I don’t even like eating. I got drunk in the process, thanks to Club W and then I let the weirdo bang my brains out. I never let anyone fuck me within the first month of knowing me. My friends have known me for over a year, and none of them have even been near my vagina. So for the following week, I let him have sex with me countless times, including a few where I was tied up. I let him bite me. Slap me. Do whatever he wanted to me.
And then my roommate made me watch 50 Shades of Grey. And then my friends made me watch Trainereck. And now I’ve come to the conclusion that my life is a mixture of these two movies and in perfectly fine with it. So maybe if you’re a little bitch to your boyfriend, you might need to break up and find you one of these freaks on Tinder or Bumble because trust me, you need it.