White Girl Guides

How To Start 2016

-First get drunk and call your therapist while your mom is the room. Complain about your mommy issues. Make sure you properly list out all the horrible things she’s done to you in chronological order. Like why your mom would ever want to name you Robin after your slutty cousin who’s been through 10 ex husbands and has two kids from each. Or how you blame your mom for your low self-esteem since in the second grade when she told you you couldn’t sing. Or when she told you no one likes you in the 5th grade so you shouldn’t run for class president. The only thing she ever complimented you on is how pretty you are. End your conversation with a question about how pretty you are. 
– Second sneak in to a concert for a douchey rapper at an Indian casino. Turn $4 in to $200. Once you reach $200, throw up on the rapper. Like Macklemore. 
– Go on a date with G-Eazy’s brother, James. Go to a party with them and throw up on G-Eazy. 
-Fire your therapist and drink at church. 
– Give up sex for lent and end things with the guy you’re seeing since he thinks you only date rich guys.  


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