Alcohol · My Life

Oh,no! I bought champagne instead of milk again

I am now living alone.

I mean, I’ve always had a boyfriend or  roommate of some sort. My first year on my own, I had two roommates and we had two dogs. Amber, one of my roommates turned out to be a psychopath who hated animals but she was a veterinary major. Which for those of you who don’t know what veterinary means:

Veterinarian:

An asshole who can charge you $1000 for giving your dog a check up just because they claim they love animals more than you do.

My other roommate, Ashley, I have known since my Freshman year of high school. She was dating River Master, which I’ll come back to later. Long story short: She became an annoying little bitch because of River Master. When they broke up she became a normal, functioning member of society again. By then, she wasn’t my roommate anymore.

She did have a dog named Howie. He was a pug and he was evil. 9 out of 10 normal fucking people don’t recommend getting one of these demon spawned ugly dogs. He was best friends with my 120 pound Jew dog, King George. They both really enjoyed margaritas, wine and pot. So eventually my 6 foot tall lava lamp broke thanks to them being drunk toddlers on four legs.

And then I divorced my husband, Tom 1, and started dating Tom 2. I basically lived with Tom 2 for 6 months even though I had a place with my new roommate Lindsey. I’ve known Lindsey since the 5th grade and she’s a huge bitch but her candle obsession was so great that I had to be roommates with her.  Our mutual bitch face at party was enough to creepers away so it worked out for us. She was probably my favorite roommate even though her boyfriend decided to live with us and bring his dog, Zeus. Which led to her getting a weenie dog named Dallas. So three dogs in a tiny two bed/two bath. I basically lived in a foster home for dogs and the occasional cat.

Anyway, they both moved back home and I started dating Taylor after I broke up with Tom and moved in with him after Lindsey and her boyfriend left.

Taylor and I broke up two weeks after my lease ended at my old apartment.

Now that I’ve been through all that, I can honestly say I literally went to the grocery store for the second time in my life by myself because I need milk for my cereal and I came back with champagne. Again.

I also do not eat cereal. Too many calories.

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