So in honor of it being beach season, I’d like to tell you bitches about my favorite time I was kidnapped.
I was in Cabo with my friends, we were staying at some resort on the beach which I highly don’t recommend obvs. Now, Cabo was like the place to go that summer, I don’t know why but it fucking was. I was tan, and went for runs on the beach to stay hot af.
One morning, I went on a run. My friends were still passed the fuck out and hung over because they don’t know how to make hang over juice like me and I honestly wasn’t about to make it for them.
So I’m on this run and I stopped to drink some of my water and thats when I noticed these two dudes in front of a tent with a gallon of milk each. Now, they didn’t look homeless, they just looked like two frat dudes with a tent on the beach. I was slightly confused because it was like 8AM. I finished my run and then went back to the resort to shower and eat brunch with my friends.
Anyway, we end up partying on the beach all day, then I noticed one of my girlfriends is talking to those two frat douches. So I go over there to talk to them with her and hopefully pull her out of whatever situation is going on there.
Anyway, they offer to buy us drinks at the beach bar. So who am I to say no to free drinks?
Next thing you know, I’m waking up tied up with duct tape in the basement of one of the resorts. So the only way to escape is to put your hands over your head and swing down while pulling your hands apart in order to rip off the duct tape. So I get myself free, climb through an air-conditioning vent. Then once I got out of the building, I had to walk bare-footed for two miles back to the resort and hope that my friends might be somewhat awake and not still hung over.
Anyway, I found one of them in the lobby of the resort saying that she was waiting to see if I would return and everyone else was scouring the rest of the town to find me.
So I guess my friends really did love me at that point in time.
Oh, back to the milk thing, there was definitely videos on snapchat the next day of milk being poured all over me. No one knows why but it was definitely a thing.